As I watched Taylor Swift rocking out at the Grammy’s this year, I remember an interview of her’s where she’d stated her angst in failed relationships is what inspired her latest album.
That’s some strong, money making, Grammy-collecting angst.
Then I think, “Shoot, I need that angst.”
I sat down to blog, straining my brain to remember the annoying thing my husband did or dig into my deepest hurts– even closing my eyes to concentrate.
Sigh. I was hungry, and gave up.
As I got up to grab a snack, I glanced at my phone to catch a text from my husband saying “Go chase your dreams babes. I love you.”
God, I love that man.
I picked up the phone to respond back and send him the latest pic I’d taken of our son sitting on his new toy train. Looking at my munchkin’s picture I unknowingly break out into smiles.
Crap. He’s just so freakin cute. I want to eat his face. All of it.
I send the text, and make my way to the kitchen, already full from that sloppy wet kiss kind of lovey-dovey feeling I have for my hubby and kid. Things have not always been perfect, nor am I saying we are, but today, in this season, they’re good…freakin amazing actually. As I think back to my visual of Taylor Swift pouring her anguish out into intense angst-filled lyrics, I realize that wouldn’t be me….at least right now, that wouldn’t be the way my life songs would be written.
I’m happy. Joy-ful, even.
I’ve been married for 3 years to an amazingly wonderful, encouraging (and can I say FINE) man who, with everything in him, strives to love me better everyday.
I have the absolute cutest child on the earth. Yes I do. And this after very real fears about getting pregnant.
I’m a doctor- in residency- finally. After many late nights studying, pseudo panic attacks, paying to take board exams, and a semi-almost-kinda addiction to black tea and saltine crackers [I’m weird, I know] I am a real-live doctor with real live patients.
I feel good about myself, how I look, where I am going.
I’m in a season of life that I LITERALLY have prayed for.
God literally makes me feel like a diva.
And I don’t say this to attribute the occurance of these things to the fact that I prayed. No…it’s simply and totally due to the fact that God is forever good and can give good things.
Now, I say this having experienced my own share of anguish. When I was in college, my younger sister died at the age of 19, and many years later I walked with my husband as we grieved the loss of his father before our wedding…all after the fact that we’d prayed…endlessly… for both of them to be saved.
After I’d finished graduate school, I didn’t get into medical school or residency after the first try…after endless praying and many tears.
I’ve watched family members struggle with chronic illness and not get better…despite my prayers. I’d dealt with crippling thoughts of low self-esteem, at times forcing me to dwell in the darkest recesses of my mind.
Yet, after all that, God so sweetly and kindly places me in a season where He reminds me that He can give good things…and life should be celebrated.
And I am happy. Joy-ful even.
Sitting in the kitchen, I wonder how many women have the Taylor Swift, Alanis Morissette type of anguish…or the deep soul-cutting pain and sit there in it…not because they want to… but because they don’t know how to get up.
You see, sometimes when we walk through some of life’s worst storms, we forget that when it stops raining, we can put our umbrella away. That we can exhale. …we can run in the mud and puddles even. We forget that we can live again, and be intentional about celebrating the good things that DO come our way.
Despite from whence I’ve come, I am intentional about being grateful for this season. I’m intentional about living wholly and doing it fabulously. No man hating pissed off kinda anguish for me…and this did not come naturally, but with much intention and purpose. The only thing writing my lyrics right now is pure love and gratefulness.
So what is it that you haven’t been intentional about celebrating or being grateful for? I said it before, that God literally makes me feel like a diva, and He wants to do the same for many of you. Are you open to making this season one of intentional celebration, in spite of your previous hurts, or a season of sitting in them? My friend, come be a diva with me.
Go be fabulous somewhere,
Oluchi aka DivaDoc